Awakening

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:5, 7, 17-18

It's not been for lack of content that I haven't written in a while. It's been because of a full schedule, and a busy start to the new year. I'm actually quite happy to be here in 2024. I'm hopeful and optimistic for what this year holds.

Big news! I started school. What a journey it's going to be. I'm studying Spiritual Formation and Spiritual Direction, and sometime in 2026, I should have some certifications in tow and be able to launch a practice.

Each month for school, I have to write and submit a reflection paper to my coach. It's kind of a "state of the soul"--what am I sensing God is up to in my life? How is He leading me? What's awakening in me? So, if you don't mind, I thought I'd share the reflection paper I submitted for this month. I think it might stir some things in your own soul.

I’ve sat long and hard staring at a blank page for a few days now. I’m having a hard time putting into words what’s awakening in me. I think what’s going on is that I’m truly letting things go, and cleaning house in my mind. I sense a softening in my spirit toward situations and people that would normally cause me to fester and overthink. I think this is due to practicing silence and solitude in the presence of the Lord.

I’ve not fully understood the practice of silent prayer. It seemed kind of wasteful to me to just sit, breathe and not think too much. I mean really, try to not think. It's very difficult. But now that I have a better understanding of silent prayer and reflection, and have begun to practice it, I find myself a lot more relaxed and at peace.

Let me stop here for a second. I know for some this might be new terminology, or maybe you think I've lost my ever loving mind and I'm on some weird spiritual journey. I'm not. In fact, I don't know that I've ever been more grounded in spiritual truth. Silent prayer (centering prayer or breath prayer), at its root, is connecting with God through prayer, but different than the kind of prayer where you come at God with all your requests. This method of prayer is about deepening your relationship with God through the discipline (or practice) of silent prayer. It's about being quiet and noticing the Lord's presence with you. And when you feel distracted, which you will, it's bringing your mind back to God and His presence. Now back to the reflection paper.

I don’t know if I can totally convey how released I feel to just enjoy the presence of God. There is no pressure in this space. I can be my most authentic and vulnerable self. And I’m finding that when I've finished my quiet time that things just go smoother in my day. I’m more relaxed and patient. I have a quieter spirit about me, and more freedom to just be present with others around me. I've found that my prayer life, in it's entirety, has changed.

There is a certain prayer request I’ve struggled with for several years. I’ve often felt guilty for what I’m asking the Lord, so instead I don't ask. But in the last few months, as I've practiced silence in my quiet time, I'm getting to know God. I'm understanding the depth of His love for me. And when I'm ready to talk to Him, I feel more freedom to boldly ask Him for this certain thing.

When I've shared with others about how I pray for this certain thing, I've often felt judged. People have corrected me and told me that I don’t mean what I’m saying. I’ve sometimes felt manipulated by other’s interpretation of scripture and their formulas for prayer. But I’m discovering that when I’m engaged in silence and reflection, I’m free. God teaches me, paces me, gifts me with His presence, and loves me. When I consider that little me is loved and cherished by the God of the Universe, I'm changed in profound ways. And in some supernatural way, I'm free to pray and communicate with God about whatever I want.

Here's the thing I want you to know. God is patient with His children. We aren't meant to master all of the practices and disciplines quickly. And I think when we sit still and quiet, in a prayerful posture, He guides us and teaches us how to be in relationship with Him. Maybe you've been walking with the Lord for a long time and you feel at a plateau in your relationship with Him. I want to encourage you that it doesn't have to be that way. Sit in silence, and let God speak to your heart. Then, when you are ready, communicate to Him about all the things on your precious heart.

If you would like a friend to talk to, or point you to resources that can help you grow deeper spiritually, please reach out. I would love to journey with you.

Praying joy and peace over you today!